Sis of mine...Therese...in a few hours it will be two years since you left us to go to heaven. You must be settled in pretty good with your duties in heaven because I have not yet seen a sign of "you" since you passed. It's a sad memory for me, sitting helpless in the hospital, unable to stomp around demanding answers about what was to happen to next. Sitting in that cast in the borrowed Washington Hospital wheelchair knowing full well that you were already floating through the hallways hoping the best for the rest of us who still have our time to pay as flawed human beings. I hated it. The memory of that time breaks my heart. The giving in to what was happening and the eventual acceptance that it was going to happen no matter how much I or anybody else protested totally sucked. But I did it. I never tried to bargain with God nor did I make any promises that I would not be able to keep...but deep down inside I still wished you were not going to leave me...that helpless feeling rushes back today where it is still indeed true: You are gone from this life and you are in heaven. The first part I hate, the second part makes me hopeful. Two years later I ask "now what?" What about your kids who I worry about all the time? What about your dear friends who's kids are growing up, who are traveling to places you would love to hear about, who are needing your friendship and just miss your presence? What about the phone call from Lisa that I have to let go to voicemail since I have no answers? What about our close family that just is not complete without you? I wish I had the answers or at least a different answer from what I know is true. Truth is, your work here was complete and you're enjoying the glory of heaven (which, by the way, I believe is truly yours because of your endless giving and sacrafice) Truth is, our work is not done so we must continue without you. We need a sign of hope that all healing will continue and the pain will eventually go away. I wonder if you are able to do that for us, send a sign of hope? Therese, you are missed. I don't ever want to forget that I have a sister who I will one day meet in heaven. 07-20-12 two years later...I am your one and only sister...I will forever miss you.
20 July 2011 (one year later)
Hey Therese, we’re here at home instead of in the hospital hallways as we were a year ago. Life here on earth has continued without you. We still wake up every morning and do what we do as we did before and you are still with us but in a very different way. Because we are human and have the faults that are built-in to the human “model” we can still only imagine how glorious your eternal life in heaven is. You don’t wake-up everyday having to worry about health, responsibilities, and having faith. We do. You don’t have to wonder what is next after THIS, because you now know. You no longer wonder what is going on with your faith, with your family, and with your friends because you get to see us whenever you want. We are your humans still here on earth. We get to miss you. We get to reminisce about you. We get to come across pictures of you, and stumble upon places you went, and live among people you knew. All this without you.
I ask myself “why” all the time. A year has passed and gone so fast yet so slow. EVERYDAY I ask “why”? I don’t ask God or myself, I just ask it into the air as if there’s an answer floating around and once I ask, the answer will just fall down and reveal the reason. Why did you have to die? Once I start to look around the reasons are clear. In your passing, my awareness is heightened. I can see where I may not have been as giving, where you gave all the time. I can see where I am able to help without being asked, just as you did naturally. I can see how much you brought to the lives of your friends and family. I can see how your heart broke when you alone could not do it all. I can see what you saw for me and for others. You were always God’s gift to us, the lucky ones to have had you here on earth.
I can see why you liked the song “Call the Man”: (lyrics) ♫ Call the man who deals in love beyond repair. He can heal the world of hearts in need of care. Shine a light ahead when the next step is unclear…♪♫ I think you grew weary as you finished the tasks you were charged with. None of us here have done as much as you, we’re not done yet. Therese, you did so much good here. Thank you for your life here on earth and thank you for watching over us in heaven. I miss you my sister, I loved you so much.
Valentine's Day was always a special day for us. We shared our first kiss on Valentine's Day many years ago - I still remember that moment.
Stephanie asked that I provide candy and baskets like you used to do so I bought some baskets and candy and put it out for them in the morning - a feeble attempt to recreate the special memories you created for us and our family - we will never forget these.
Last week, Stephanie celebrated her 9th birthday. I told her about the day she was born. An early morning delivery, your water breaking in the hospital parking lot, pushing you in the wheelchair with the front wheels wobbling, and then 20 minutes later, a beautiful baby girl from a beautiful woman. Stephanie constantly tells me things that you used to do - I'm glad that she remembers so many of the special things you would do for her. She said that when she turned 8, you brought her a croissant from Starbucks. She remembers the favors you made, the gift bags, the homemade birthday cake, so many things. Everyday, I see more and more of you in her. I pray that I can raise her in a way that would make you proud - I'll do my best.
The monument can last week. I think it came out beautifully. I was watching our wedding video and Father Don said that "God made us one, never to be divided" - I placed that message on the monument. I hope you like it.
Love,
Art
